Frustration yields to ecstasy

What is the point of watching sports? For 90 minutes, I sat alone on my couch with the TV on in front of me, grinding my teeth and cursing at some men in shorts kicking a ball around on another continent. Utterly ridiculous. For 90 minutes, the U.S. SOCCER team managed to hit the post, miss from 3 yards out, miss empty nets, have goals disallowed, get bloody noses, scramble around on defense, and fail to do what our tax dollars pay them for. Our entire jaunt in this year's world competition would be remembered (largely forgotten actually) for three heartbreaking TIE GAMES. For all the soccer haters in the country, "I told you so" was already forming on their lips. With England comfortably ahead in their game against mighty Slovenia, I was ready to switch the TV off and find a syphilitic dominatrix on Craigslist to put on a FIFA referee jersey and violate me with a linesman's flag. 90 minutes struck, and the dude with the electronic board (if you're so opposed to technology, FIFA, why not have the fourth official just do a honeybee dance to signal the amount of stoppage time?) showed 4 minutes of extra time. Algeria was booting the ball away like a bunch of Negative Nancy's, and Clint Dempsey was beginning to look a bit like Rocky. It was a horrendous show.
A minute later, I was jumping up and down in my empty living room shouting at the top of my lungs. On a fast break, Dempsey had sent another shot into the arms of the admirably able Algerian keeper, only this time he failed to hold onto it. And this time, we didn't fail on the rebound. [SPOILER ALERT!!!!!] Donovan smashed it into the net and everybody knew it was over.

There aren't many moments that I've experienced U.S. nationalistic pride, but this was definitely one of them. As I left the house, I expected to find the streets transformed into a carnival atmosphere, with mayhem in the streets and car horns blaring out their vuvuzelas. Of course, the scene didn't resemble this in the slightest, but it didn't matter. The referees tried to fuck us; the English tried to fuck us; non-caring America-at-large tried to fuck us. But they failed miserably. U.S.A. topped the group and will get to take the field at least once more during their time in South Africa. If we were going to redesign the logo for the U.S. men's national team, I would just want a picture of a ball, some stars, some stripes, and in big neon print:

FUCK YEAH!

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Friday Recap: German Implosions, American Explosions... and the English

After this morning's somewhat underwhelming matches, here are some thoughts on yesterday's matches:

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1-1 Is the Loneliest Number

As an English man living in the States, the pain of last Saturday's draw was even more accentuated by the fact I had to face my American friends and colleagues after coolly assuring them a week earlier that it would be a walk in the park for us - after all how could our great football-loving nation, whose forefathers invented the beautiful game, fail to impress when playing against an opposition who don’t even call the sport by its rightful and proper name.

Alas it wasn't to be. I should be thankful for the bride whose wedding I was at last Saturday - she banned televisions, and in doing so gave me 90 minutes of my life which would have otherwise been painfully wasted! On returning to Philly, even the man who greeted me at immigration couldn't resist a dig as he stamped my passport and proudly told me he went to High School with Tim Howard. I think I mumbled some obscenities about Green and forced a smile ….

If it’s any consolation, it gave me some comfort to discover the Americans still haven’t grasped the intricacies of the scoring when I read the front page of the New York Post the following day …..

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It was the best of games, it was the worst of games

Best and worst of the first "round" of World Cup competition?

BEST
Germany - Australia
Mackenzie Phillips's father couldn't have molested Australia worse than Germany did. Tim Cahill got ejected for not tucking in his shirt.

U.S.A. - England
Can't even pretend impartiality, but wasn't it rich to watch a man's soul be crushed in instant replay? Robert Green for President!

Brazil - North Korea
Disregarding all the geopolitical curiosity of North Korea's participation, this was a relatively competitive match that showcased a baffling goal from Maicon as well as a well-orchestrated attack from the Democratic People's Republic of Football. Pyongyang 2018?

WORST
France - Uruguay
I was already kind of hungover after the opening match, and this tedious display made me want to vomit in my own mouth just to get rid of the taste.

Ivory Coast - Portugal
They kicked it back and forth for a while. Ronaldo won a Tony. I don't know.

BEST
Everybody in America has learned the word "vuvuzela."

WORST
Everybody in America is talking about the "vuvuzela." Nobody gives a damn about football.

BEST
Setting your alarm so you can get up early enough to go to the bar.

WORST
Passing out at 5:00 because you've been up drinking for 8 hours.

Feel free to play at home!

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The Goal Post's Day 2 Recap - Good and Bad Goalkeeping, and an Asian Assault

Today was an interesting day in the Cup, with top teams that performed below expectations due to exceptional, or exceptionally poor, goalkeeping, and an excellent performance from South Korea in an under card match. I encourage you to check out The Goal Post's liveblog replays for play-by-plays and very colorful commentary. Here's my take on the day's matches, and what they mean:

South Korea v Greece

South Korea may have managed the first victory of the Cup, but they still have a tough road ahead of them to qualify, as Greece was definitely the lowest-seeded team in the group. Nigeria is a tough and physical team, and while South Korea seems to have perfected the dive tactic (many of their players have played for Italian clubs), I think that some muscling will go uncalled, and Nigeria will mount confident attacks against a weak defense that went largely untested by Greece. I really don't see Greece doing anything but tying, and even that would take some luck.

Argentina v Nigeria

Higuain had at least three excellent chances to score for Argentina, with well-delivered passes that he controlled on the first touch. On each occasion, he did the one thing that strikers are paid not to do: shoot the ball at the goalkeeper. Messi looked mesmerizing with his beautiful curving shots on goal, but his efforts provoked equally excellent displays of goalkeeping rather than goals. Some might say that Argentina looked weak in this game, edging out a mere 1-0 victory, but the score doesn't speak to their offensive effort. I'll admit that Argentina has some work to do, but they still looked strong. Their potential goals, and therefore the scoreboard, were mitigated by the outstanding performance from Vincent Enyeama, Nigeria's Goalkeeper.

As for Nigeria, if they can continue playing like they did in the last fifteen minutes of today's game, they can definitely beat Greece, and probably beat South Korea. Once they calmed down, and realized that that they had run with Argentina for 70 minutes while conceding only one goal, they started to attack with more confidence. Nigeria took a cluster of shots in the final fifteen, and some were on target. Perhaps they were just inspired by the world-class play from their keeper (Enyeama was challenged often, and was often up to the challenge), but at the end of the game Nigeria was looking ready to proceed through the group.

England v USA

Despite my earlier predictions to the contrary, England probably deserved to win this game. Not so much because they looked particularly powerful, but because the US really didn't produce much offense, and their lone goal was the product of horrendous goalkeeping. Robert Green will surely regret his loose ball-handling today. Also, Wayne Rooney played like he'd been drinking two six-packs of Castle Lager a night since landing in South Africa, and was often outpaced by the US defense. There were a few incredible opportunities that he flat out missed, and at one point he went up for a header that sailed wildly over the crossbar, and fell to the ground like he'd been shot in the head. He should heed the commercial he starred in, and write the future, not erase it.

The USA played fairly well, but Tim Howard excelled. Dempsey's goal was not the finest shot from the American arsenal, but they played with the confidence of a world-class international team (even if their execution was lacking). Luckily, England should be the hardest opponent they face in the group, but they need to score more than 1 goal per game if they're going to advance.

So those are the thoughts. Can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. Check out our live blogs in the morning.

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Ooops! Which Brit Screwed up Worse than Robert Green?

The answer is expensive British HD broadcast corporation ITV, which managed to switch to a commercial for Hyundai just before Gerrard scored his goal. That's right, England fans in England who paid for expensive HD sports TV at home got to miss their only goal for the night as a reward.

Here is the story

Here is a clip so you can see for yourself what that felt like!

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Group C Predictions

Group C (in order of FIFA Rankings)
England (8)
USA (14)
Slovenia (25)
Algeria (30)

Group B is an interesting group, pitting a constantly-improving USA against a resurgent England and, to a lesser extent, a well-drilled Slovenia and an altogether unimpressive Algeria. I think this group provides the interesting (and exciting) prospect for a rare circumstance in group play: a three-way tie. England, USA, and Slovenia could each score 6 points, leading to a three-way tie for first place, with the winners chosen on goal differential. Here's how it could happen.

Game by Game Predictions

England v USA (w)

England is the stronger side, to be sure. But, the USA is hungry, and I suspect that England will take the better part of the game to coalesce as a team. The loss of Rio Ferdinand, while perhaps not devastating to the captaincy, is a hole in the defense. His likely replacement is Ledley King. Even if King can fill the technical boots of Ferdinand, England is still playing a central defense that hasn't had much time to get acquainted. The USA will have to capitalize on this early, if they have a chance of winning. If the game goes scoreless into the second half, expect England to draw first blood, with the USA rallying for a tying goal in the 80s. After that it'd be anyone' guess. But the USA will go up early, and England will tie things up just before half time. After a rest at half-time, England and the game will quiet down, until the USA retake the lead, after some well-timed substitutions.
Final result England 1, USA 2.

Algeria v Slovenia (w)
For those of us who are less familiar with the Baltic Peninsula, like me, we can think of Slovenia as another Russia, a team with pace that is supremely disciplined and well-drilled. Slovenia also defeated Russia to qualify for the Cup. Algeria, defeated Egypt, which doesn’t impress me greatly. Basically I think that this is a must-win game for both teams, but I’m not sure how much of a difference this can bring to Algeria’s gameplay. Slovenia should focus on offense, and may give up an early goal, but they’ll pull through.
Final result Algeria 1, Slovenia 2.

Slovenia (w) v USA
After beating England, the USA will not so much underestimate the Slovenians, as be too giddy with their victory over Engalnd to stay in the moment. I fear they will go down early, at which point the match will become a tenacios and close war of defense
Final result Slovenia 1, USA 0

England (w) v Algeria
After a startling loss to the USA, again, England will come back with an imperial vengeance, wiping the pitch with Algeria like it's 1942 in North Africa. Rooney will contribute to to 2 goals, but could get a yellow-card for general douche-baggery. England's defense will have solidified, barring another injury, and the Gerrard-Lampard twins should begin producing plays rather than competing for them.
Final result England 3, Algeria 0


Slovenia v (w) England
Cruising through their bruising of Algeria, England will overcome a determined Slovenia side in a game where England will need to win, and Slovenia will strive to rack up goals for qualifying. With both teams pressing the attack, space will be left at the back for some excessive scoring. England will pull it out, however, and show class under pressure that they will have lacked against the USA.
Final result Slovenia 2, England 3

USA (w) v Algeria

The USA, shocked by their loss to Slovenia, will not take defeat for an answer from Algeria. Likewise, Algeria will not want to go home with absolutely no points, and will play with intense defense. This will keep the game low-scoring, but the USA, as I said, will not take no for an answer. Late in the game, already up 1-0, they will surge through for another goal, knowing that goal differential could make the difference as England battles Slovenia at the same time.
Final result USA 2, Algeria 0


FINAL GROUP RESULTS
1. England (6 Points) GD: +3
2. USA (6 Points) GD: +2
3. Slovenia (6 Points) GD: +1
4. Algeria (0 Points)


So that would be a very interesting progression for Group C, the three-way tie. Unfortunately, I don't really expect that to happen. Any ties in derail that possibility entirely, but it is still an intellectually exciting prospect to consider. Most likely, It'll be England and USA on top, but not a three-way tie. I still bet that USA beats England today, and I will be extremely surprised if Algeria makes any real progress.

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Goldman Sachs, Team USA & China

This, from Andrew Swift at the ForeignPolicy.com Blog:

Goldman Sachs may have taken a lot of heat lately, but they may have done themselves a great favor by releasing their 2010 World Cup Research Report earlier this month. Running a little over 70 pages, it's a remarkably in-depth summary of each country in this year's finals, including football prowess, economic state, and political situation. Furthermore, it provides a primer on the potential hosts of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, and, unsurprisingly but more than interesting, an examination of economic growth and decline vis-a-vis the international football teams of respective countries.

I confess that I haven't read the full Report. I encourage others to at least read Andrew Swift's post on the matter, if not the actual report.

For their sake, at the very end of the report, Goldman predicts that Brazil will win with 13% odds, followed by:
Spain 10.46%
Germany 9.4%
England 9.38%
Argentina 9.08%
Netherlands 7.07%

Italy is just below at 6.46%, and the US is just behind at 2.81%. In fact, the only team that separates Italy and the USA is France, at 6.13%. Given my dual Italo-American heritage, and my natural distaste for the French, this positioning tickles me. For those hoping for a miracle, South Africa is down near the bottom with 0.68%.

Given Goldman's reputation, and recent news-noteworthiness, I'm not putting much stock in their predictions. North Korea is dead last with .05%. Two thousand to one. Those are tough odds, but I tend to agree with Goldman on that one.

But what concerns me here is the prospects of team USA. The US qualified for each of the last 6 World Cups, an accomplishment which the likes of France, England, and the Netherlands can't claim. Plus, the US is definitely on the up and up, building experience and deep wells of young skill, while some names synonymous with greatness are languishing on laurels long since wilted. Looking forward, only China has more people playing football: 26 million. But the US is in a close second with 24 million, and as a per-capita rate that's our 8% to their 2%.

Now, China is also ranked 85th by FIFA, and only qualified for the World Cup once in the last eighty years, in 2002. By all accounts, the World Cup is quite popular in China, so it's at least significant for football popularity, if not prowess. They have had their moments in International play, however, as in what must have been a memorable 19-0 victory over Guam in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam in 2000.

But still, I predict that in 20 years, if not sooner, the USA will be a formidable presence on the pitch. And while China may soon threaten our superiority in all manner of things, I think it'll be a long time before they threaten us in football.

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